Recovered Classic: Armageddon


Now, before you start convulsing in a rage prompted by an attack of the what-the-hell-is this-film-doing-here? variety, allow me to explain. Every now and again, Recovered Classics will feature movies regarded as being worthy of inclusion for reasons other than the conventional rules which normally apply to this hallowed collection. Films regarded as being “classic” not because they’re outstanding, brilliant and have perhaps been overlooked, but because they’re remarkable in different ways that still merit an appearance.

So why Armageddon? Well, it’s a crackerjack example of an epic blockbuster which, in trying so hard to redefine the word spectacular, turned out infinitely better than could ever have been imagined, only in the most unintentional of ways. There was an early clue to all this when Bruce Willis stood up at Cannes in 1998 after a special 50-minute preview screening of the film to say to the hysterical massed ranks of the world’s media that he was glad they found the end of the world so amusing.
But amusing doesn’t even begin to describe director Michael Bay’s outrageously comical asteroid-plunging-towards-Earth yarn, an event movie which makes Independence Day look positively subtle and elevates the notion of America saving the world (yes, again) to previously inconceivable levels of stupendously cheesy flag-waving.

The year’s second ‘roid rage actionfest following on from Deep Impact, the extinction level event of the earlier movie is here termed a global killer, an asteroid the size of Texas which is on a collision course with the planet and will bring about “the worst bits of the Bible.”

With 18 days to go and counting, NASA plan to drill a hole in the rampaging hulk of space rock and nuke it from the inside, pinning their hopes on crack deep core oil driller Harry S. Stamper (Bruce Willis). But he only agrees to save mankind if he can bring his own motley crew on the mission with him (Ben Affleck, Michael Clarke Duncan, Owen Wilson, Will Patton and Steve Buscemi). A ragbag team of thieves and vagabonds who only just about know that to get into space you go up.

So once the spectacular opening scenes of New York being trashed by a blazing meteor shower have taken the breath away and the early plot foundations of Affleck being in love with Willis’ daughter (Liv Tyler) have been laid, the movie concentrates on the intensive astronaut training and Affleck’s ongoing run-ins with boss Stamper, before switching to the two space shuttles and their heroic bid to prevent global annihilation.

Under Bay’s highly visual direction (whiplash editing, trademark panoramic filter shots, urgent camerawork) the style and look of Armageddon was never going to be in doubt, but the army of writers somehow came up with a painfully corny and clichéd script which admittedly delivers plenty of laughs, but they’re mostly of the unintentional variety, with Buscemi having by far the best of the gags in what proves to be a dream role.

Americans, though, will persist with their lofty opinion of themselves, the Stars and Stripes being visible in virtually every other shot and the film’s depiction of the world’s other sky-watching races coming across as so stereotypical it’s criminal.
It’s also so gung-ho at times you can almost taste the testosterone, the movie proceeding to lose itself in a mish-mash of action and stunts once the crews land on the asteroid, switching between the tension back in Billy Bob Thornton’s mission control and the race against time in space.

But despite all its faults (and there’s an inordinate number of them) Armageddon proves to be a colossally enjoyable film, not just because of its assured action sequences or explosive direction (check out the destruction of Paris) but because it’s so downright preposterous and takes itself so seriously, outdoing itself at every turn and even having the cheek to poke fun at other blockbusters (in one scene a dog savages a blow-up Godzilla).
If you haven’t got tears rolling down your face from the sheer effort of laughing yourself stupid by the time the end credits roll, you’ve lost the plot completely.

But then again, you’d be in good company. Riotous entertainment.

David Lichtneker

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