1 - You work in a state of the art bio research lab. The doors are sealable and air tight. The windows made of armoured glass. The whole center is controlled by a state of the art supercomputer programmed to prevent any mishap. Just don't drop the deadly super virus as that is kept in a fragile glass novelty vial cause that breaks as soon as you look at it wrong.

2 - Remember that you work for a mega corporation doing things unethical, illegal and downright dangerous in a secret underground research lab the public doesn't even know about. Don't be surprised when the computer decides it is easier, safer and cheaper to kill you.

3 - When trapped in an elevator between floors try to stay calm. Do not lose your head and try to leave the elevator to get help.

4 - If you are every hanging out with Mira Jocovich (sp?) and she tells you she has nothing to wear then she is probably telling the truth.

5 - If she does find something to wear chances are it will not cover her legs.

6 - This is good.

6 - When about to lead a para military strike team into a secret underground installation to try and fix a major stuff up your corporation would probably want to be kept secret, always remember to take with you people you have just met who own suspect ID and claim to be cops.

7 - The computer is only your friend in old roleplaying games of Paranoia or Microsoft promos for the latest version of windows.

8 - When the computer that controls the lifts is the same computer that has just killed over 500 employees do you even need to consider not taking the stairs ?

9 - When your mission is to reboot by force a super AI computer that has previously killed 500 people and this super computer is aware of your intentions and likely to want to stop you, then it is sometimes wise to try and discover all the computerized defense systems before you get locked in a corridor with laser cutters.

10 - Your mission briefing states that all 500 plus employees in the facility have been murdered by the computer. All of them. You thermal systems have previously detected no signs of body warmth other then your own. So feel free to shoot anything that moves before it bites you on the hand.

11 - If your subconscious mind is refusing to give you the doors access code then there is probably a good reason.

12 -You need bigger guns.

13 - Should one of your friends ever disappear under a sea of zombies, then try not to worry. They will be back. They might be a mindless zombie who wants to eat your flesh, but they will be back.

14 - Mindless zombies who want to eat your flesh don't actually bite that hard. So when you do come back after disappearing under a sea of zombies to terrify your former teammates with your shambling walk and poor conversation skills the worse you will have to worry about is a hickie.

15 - Don't bother messing around trying to server the upper spinal column or attempting to cause massive trauma to the brain. Just shoot them in the head.

16 - After half your team is cut down by laser defenses while trying to use the only entrance to a homicidal computers' server room, and after you are later chased and cornered in the same server room by masses of mindless zombie who want to eat your flesh, you will then casually be told about the service tunnels you could of used in the first place.

17 - These unfortunately will be full of mindless zombies who want to eat your flesh.

18 - When you think you are going to get laid, it might be an idea to clean up a bit first.

19 - If you are suffering from amnesia and can't completely remember vital details about stealing and betrayal, then try not to casually leave your gun laying around.

19 - The computer is STILL not your friend. Neither is the genetically altered killing machine with massive claws and great big teeth the computer has forgotten to mention to you.

20 - When faced with massive time delayed blast doors that are shortly going to close trapping you and your friends with a genetically altered killing machine with massive claws and great big teeth, always feel free to pause a moment and taunt ex lovers before killing them with an axe.

21 - When leaving top secret underground research centers owned by multi billion dollar corporations where something has just gone critically pear shaped, always expect to be allowed to just walk out like nothing has happened. Evil mega corps like being exposed to the public and would never dream of trying to do something like cover up their mess by having a second security team waiting for you.

22 - Finally, the most important thing you can learn from watching Resident Evil, is that if you are foolish enough to live in place with a stupid name like Raccoon City, then you deserve what you get.

MudCrab