Are We There Yet? Movie Review:


The question making up the title of this family comedy will be asked over and over by filmgoers squirming in their seats, wondering why the road trip goes off track so quickly by abandoning modestly raucous situations and physical gags in favor of sentimental filler about assuming responsibility.

It doesn't begin like a sappy public service announcement aimed at future dads. In a promising opening scene that echoes “Home Alone,” a spiffy suitor comes walking up the path of a house in Portland, Oregon. He's bearing flowers and eagerly anticipating his date with an attractive single mom named Suzanne (Nia Long). His excitement turns to pain on the front stoop when a series of booby-traps put him flat on his back, and then have him running for his fancy sports car. You feel sorry for the guy. But if the movie kept going in the same slapstick vein, it could have been an enjoyable ride.

The authors of the cautionary prank are Suzanne's two dastardly children. Eleven-year-old Lindsey and eight-year-old Kevin (Aleisha Allen and Philip Daniel Bolden) are determined to sabotage their divorced mom’s night out because it might lead to a serious relationship or even marriage. They hope she'll get back together with their father.

Their next adversary -- though the confrontational nature of the relationship isn't sustained -- is kid-phobic bachelor Nick, the owner of a sports memorabilia shop played by former gangsta rapper Ice Cube. This "player's" priority is his latest flashy purchase, an SUV with all the trimmings. Its most noteworthy accessory is a bobble-head doll of legendary baseball pitcher Satchel Paige perched on the dashboard dispensing commentary and advice in the voice of "Saturday Night Live" alum Tracy Morgan.

While obsessing over his new wheels, Nick's eye catches Suzanne and he begins courting her -- unsuccessfully. As his buddy Marty (a wasted Jay Mohr) puts it, Nick gets caught in the "friend zone." She senses his kid allergy and doesn't think he's mature enough to handle a relationship with a single parent. "If the kids hate you, the Momma won't date you," Marty warns.

Sure enough, she wants to keep things platonic. Nick decides to curry favor by volunteering to escort the brats on a flight to Vancouver, where Suzanne is working. They never board the plane and a train leaves without them, so they end up on the highway in his pristine, sure-to-be-trashed Lincoln Navigator. It's not long -- despite feeling like an eternity -- before his ride goes up in flames and all parties are converted. The kids learn their daddy is a cad, Nick learns the joys of being a substitute parent, and Suzanne realizes the upside of a boyfriend with "blingage."

There are many low points -- scowling matches and bathroom jokes -- with Nick getting attacked by a deer being the surest sign all comic energy has been spent. The youngsters start out so obnoxious, you root for Nick to give them a taste of their own medicine. An intergenerational war might have been fun. Yet deep down he's too nice for such a battle. Besides, the children lose their bite and simply become annoying.

Over the last few years, Ice Cube has gotten considerably less stiff as an actor. His faux rapper's rage has given way to a mainstream persona like the sensitive teddy bear in last year's sequel “Barbershop 2: Back in Business.” That softy certainly belongs in the anodyne “Are We There Yet?”-- a film which tries to have it both ways by deploying crude humor that might appeal to teens while affirming fatherhood and familial duty (even of the blended variety) to mollify defenders of values entertainment. In doing so, it gets stuck in the movie equivalent of the friend zone.



John P. McCarthy

Nick Persons (Cube) loves his single life. He owns his own store, he buys all the best bling and he’s just got himself a really sweet ride, all of which really impress the ladies. He has only one rule, never get involved with a woman with kids. This all changes when he meets Suzanne (Long). The two quickly become friends and Nick manages to see her every day without ever meeting her kids but in a moment of weakness, when Suzanne is at her most desperate, he promises to take her children Lindsey (Allen) and Kevin (Bolden) to Vancouver. The problem is that the kids don’t want their Mum to have a boyfriend and will do anything to get rid of Nick.

Combining a road trip movie with all the highjinx of the ‘Home Alone’ franchise might sound like a good idea but this movie will only get you saying one thing “Are we at the end yet?”

Ice Cube’s latest foray into comedy sees him shouting out the message that single mother’s and their kids deserve love to. While there is absolutely nothing wrong with this, the movie approaches it in such a sugary sweet, Hollywood fashion that the message gets lost under a deluge of sugar. Here we have a man who hates kids but has an eye for a beautiful woman and Suzanne certainly is one. But, in the words of his talking Satchel Paige dashboard ornament, she has baggage in the shape of her two kids. Nick then gets into a situation where he has to take the kids on a road but over time and after many misadventures… well you can guest the rest.

Needless to say that the film sticks to the Hollywood formula, even down to the appallingly clichéd score and an ending that will make you want to grab a sick bag. The unoriginal story is punctuated by over the top ‘Home Alone’ style ‘comedy violence’, with people getting hit, falling from horses and trains and driving their cars off cliffs and never getting hurt. This is a trend that we hoped that Hollywood had left behind at the end of the millennium but this movie brings it back with a vengeance.

The performances are better than the film deserves however. Ice Cube is always watchable in whatever he does but even he can’t push this film above the very average barrier. He plays a clichéd single male, who thinks more about his appearance, reputation and what he can get for himself than the feelings of others but his life is about to change when he meets Suzanne and her family. This has all been done before and in a much better way but Ice Cube tries his best. Aleisha Allen and Philip Bolden good as Lindsey and Kevin, playing them as brats who have a softer side when you get to know them. Nia Long is also good as Suzanne but she doesn’t have enough screen time to make a real difference.

‘Are we there yet?” brings nothing new to the family entertainment genre and the run of the mill, Hollywood look at how life should be will do nothing to make you look at the world any better. The performances bring the film up to the average level however and mean that the younger audiences might get a laugh or two, but this still won’t stop them asking “has it finished yet?’

Jamie Kelwick

 

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