Calvaire (The Ordeal) Movie Review:


Marc Stevens, a cheesy cabaret singer, has just completed a show at an old- folk’s home. Now he has to make his way to yet another one in time for Christmas. Unfortunately, his van breaks down in the middle of a massive rain-storm, and oops, wouldn’t you know it, he’s driven up a strange little side road and is now stuck in the middle of a forest. Can anyone hear a banjo strumming the theme from “Deliverance?”

Yep, just like the poor bleeders (literally) from the above, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Wrong Turn, Psycho and a host of others, Marc has no idea what he’s getting himself into.

He encounters a strange little man in the forest who shows him to the nearest inn where he is greeted by the amiable Bartel, who offers to fix his van and shows him great hospitality. Marc then gets his van fixed by the kindly local and goes off to play his show.

Only kidding.

But really, if you’re of an even slightly nervous or nauseous disposition you won’t be choosing to see this movie.

Bartel warns Marc to stay well away from the village, but won’t explain why. Of course Marc could easily have pushed the issue a bit more but he doesn’t. Ah well…

Similar in tone (though not necessarily in plot), to “The Wicker Man”, it takes some time for the movie to reach truly anarchic proportions, but when it does the payoff is enormous. Although the premise is not a new one, it has to be said that this movie takes sick to a whole new level. And it’ll scare the pants off you to boot.

Of course, rural France is fairly uncharted horror territory, so it helps to see a horror played out on new turf – an injection of ‘fear of the unknown’.
To talk too much about the themes and events would give away what’s in store. For example if everyone knew what was in the box at the end of “Se7en”, it wouldn’t be nearly as shocking. And besides, some of it defies explanation - suffice to say that this film has been mentioned in the same breath as the oddball TV series “League of Gentlemen”. Imagine if you will, that show if it was filmed in hell. By Satan. Every time you think it can’t possibly get any weirder or more horrifying it does. It’s like multilayered madness.

The look on Marc’s face when it finally dawns on him that things are amiss is priceless. Of course, we know something is coming but not when or how, and you the viewer are still putting the clues together too, one step ahead of Marc but one step behind the movie, so you still get the benefit of some great shocks.

The bleak setting is what you imagine in those dreams you have after too much cheese - rustic, desolate, and laden with menace.

Most of the secondary characters are generic, but the mesmerizing central performances mean you’re not really paying them much attention anyway.
The only musical score to speak of is when Stevens is performing one of his chintzy tunes; although they do end up having a particular resonance. A soundtrack is unnecessary anyway, this is a solitary place and the lack of music heightens the other-worldly feel.

This isn’t just unabashed terror; there are also a few laughs - some for a witty turn of phrase or a joke, but mostly those uncontrollable nervous ones that come when the tension is too much or something is just beyond normal comprehension.
Real peek between your fingers, memorable Hollywood horror is sometimes hard to come across these days - everything ends up pastiched by a sub-standard spoof (or re-made and diluted).

The number of Asian features which have had crossover success is rising, because they have the ability to mess with our head in a new and interesting ways, and this is a very European offering. With it becoming natural to look further afield for our scary kicks, this one may even end up with a cultish following.

In “Calvaire” the horror can be gauged by the level of absolute debasement of the human spirit, and it is in this area that the movie really excels. Superb.

Terresa Gaffney

The 1970s horror revival lives on in Belgium, where filmmakers are free of the constraints of Hollywood's commercial censorship and political correctness. This grisly thriller is utterly mesmerising as it gets increasingly gonzo.

Marc Stevens (Lucas) is a lounge singer beloved by widows all over Belgium. On his way to a Christmas gig, he gets lost in the woods. And then of course his van dies. In the middle of a torrential rainstorm. A strange man (Couchard) comes by looking for his lost dog, and leads Marc to the Bartel B&B, where the innkeeper (Berroyer) stresses that Marc should not go to the local village. Alas, he does, he sees something unspeakable, and then things start to get really strange with Mr Bartel.

Firstly, anyone familiar with early 80s horror knows that you never, ever stay in a hotel named Bartel. Director-cowriter du Welz clearly strikes a blackly comic vibe with this gruesome horror odyssey, blending Rocky Horror with Deliverance as he stirs every backwoods cliche into a raucous, chill-inducing mix. At the start, it's filmed like a documentary, with handheld cinematography that simply captures scenes without offering insight. Then it goes completely wild as lighting and camera angles become almost as extreme as the torment inflicted on poor Marc.

Lucas bravely endures every indignity imaginable; he looks more ridiculous as the film progresses, and yet he plays it dead straight even with all the nutcases around him. His slowly dawning realisation that something is badly wrong is quickly replaced by sudden terror, and then inconceivable shock at the hopelessness of his situation. And the clothes he's asked to wear. And his botched hairdo.

As the rather thin story continues, the film's style becomes as psychotic as the villagers. The centrepiece is a jaw-dropping barroom dance that defies description. Not to mention the hunting pig who helps the locals rescue their precious calf. (Don't ask.) And as the surroundings become ever more otherworldly, the film takes on a surprisingly effective tone--scary, wacky and thoroughly entertaining. If you like chills running up and down your back, that is.

Rich Cline

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