Manna From Heaven Movie Review:


This so-called "comedy" is about as funny as a missed Scott Norwood field goal in the Super Bowl, or an abortion before 1973, or watching a priest have anal sex with an altar boy followed by the patriarchal hierarchy cover-ups, or an injured Iraqi child in an over-taxed Baghdad hospital. This film is about as sincere as a Tim Russert interview with Dick Cheney. It's about as ethical as Enron. The acting is about as fluid as a Roger Mahoney press conference. This is strictly for extremely unsophisticated viewers or blue-collar adherents of Bill O'Reilly and Sean Hannity who revel in tired Catholic clichés.

This turd stinks from the opening scene to the "soaring string" climax to the "let's toss the cash to the needy Negroes" finale. The "story" is as follows: A house full of arguing people rush onto the lawn to stuff their clothes with cash flying in the air (out of an open-doored van) in a neighborhood without other people. YEARS LATER. The one who became the nun, saintly Theresa (What would prissy 'Chris Hitchens bitchin' do to this neo-mother Theresa?) goes to confession and is told to repent. So she calls the entire clan home from all over the map to help return the money, which of course has all evaporated. We are "treated" to continual cons and scams to raise the cash familiar to any kid who was coerced into Catholic school or any schlockmeister from the borsht belt. Once this is done, overt contrivances bring this plot holy mess to a "miraculous" grand "uplifting" moment. The denouement is the family, in a big ol' Lincoln yet, driving through a neighborhood with only Blacks on the sidewalks, releasing the penance payment back into the air and drive off happily ever after. The End. This subtle, liberal race card at the end is particularly offensive to anyone of conscience with an eye for detail.

This film shows what Catholic overpopulation can do to a family. One Burton sister is more than this planet needs. Five is a teeming jungle of proselytizing prima donnas. It gives you some insight as to how the Catholic majority on the U.S. Supreme Court produce such inane, irrational decisions. As Mad magazine (genuine comedy) used to say, "This movie wasn't released, it escaped. If you want to see a good film about Buffalo NY, see Buffalo '66 with Vincent Gallo.

I know it's hard to believe that this cast of all-stars (Cloris Leachman, Shelly Duvall, Louise Fletcher, Seymour Cassel, Jill Eikenberry, Wendy Malick, Austin Pendleton, Shirley Jones and Frank Gorshin) could have all blundered into this amateurish script, but this is cast abuse pure and simple. If a raspberry could be awarded to the director who elicited the very worst performance in a long career from a high quality actor, the Burtons would receive 10. Another Burton, Sir Richard, could give a better performance in his current state for an average modern director, than any in this star-studded cast gave in this film. Wendy Malick is the only one standing, and let me just say she one-upped her TV co-star David Spade for his choice in doing Joe Dirt.

I've seen home movies that looked better than this fiasco. And riddle me this Batman, why is snake-skinned 70 year-old Frank Gorshin paired with pert Shirley Jones? And sugar daddy Seymour Cassel with a much younger Jill Eikenberry? Tributes to Hollywood ageism?

What's even more pathetic, and this is the worst film for 2001, 2002 and 2003 (that must be a first), is that these low-end, money grubbing Catholic sisters have gone from multiplex to multiplex, stealing patrons from other films with the lie that "if you liked My Big Fat Greek Wedding, you'll love Manna From Heaven. Nia Vardalos, who has more talent in her little left toe than the entire Burton clan in total, should sue the crap out of these parasites. I think they even had all of their extended family and friends clog up the IMDB with phony favorable reviews. Whatever you do, do not support these straight-to-video amateurs. They are blight on the indie movie circuit. They should stick to swinging hammers with Jimmy Carter and leave filmmaking to the professionals.

And finally, to show how desperate these folks are, your tax dollars are paying for a promo page on U.S. Senator (D-NY) Chuck (the other Hillary) Schumer's official website. Catholic guilt for gelt knows know bounds of decency. For their penance, the Burton Family should say 5,000,000 Hail Mary's and go in peace. For the viewer, sitting through this painful exercise is more penance than a lifetime of Lents.

T R Black

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