New York Minute Movie Review:


Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen have become the youngest self-made millionaires in American history. Years of acting on “Full House,” making endless direct-to-video hits, and hawking various forms of merchandise have ensured that the twin actresses are business-savvy and know how to appeal to their fans. That's what makes the idea behind “New York Minute” so ingenious; it will undoubtedly draw in fans of the Olsen Twins and add more money to their empire without making any original contribution to cinema whatsoever. It's infinitely more successful as a marketing tool than as an actual movie, and, in the end, you would be wise not to shell out money to watch it.

Ashley and Mary-Kate play sisters who are at opposite ends of the personality spectrum. Ashley is Jane Ryan, the nice, intelligent goody two-shoes hoping to win a scholarship to Oxford. Mary-Kate is Roxy Ryan, a budding punk rocker who cuts school on a regular basis, something that has truant officer Max Lomax (Eugene Levy) on constant lookout in hopes of catching her in the act. The two sisters have absolutely nothing in common, but on one fateful day, they're forced to spend some time together due to a highly unlikely series of circumstances.

After getting thrown off a train and kidnapped by the adopted son (Andy Richter) of a Chinese crime family trying to make millions from pirated music, Jane and Roxy find themselves in New York City, taking in the sights and passing the time before Jane has to make her big speech. But the duo ends up embarking on one goofy adventure after another, from hauling around a politician's dog and going to a video shoot for the band Simple Plan to avoiding not only the aforementioned assassin but also Lomax, who knows that Roxy's in town and plans on bringing her down once and for all.

The sisters Olsen have enjoyed much success in their film careers through the direct-to-video market. Why they felt the need to unleash the lame and unoriginal “New York Minute” in theatres is beyond me. In the wake of the smart and funny “Mean Girls” comes a teen-geared comedy with a hackneyed script, joyless performances, and a general laziness of plot. Sometimes a story that's been done before can still show some signs of life, but “New York Minute” couldn't be fresh and original if it were written by Charlie Kaufman on a caffeine high. “New York Minute” is “Ferris Bueller's Day Off” without the spark, the wry sense of humor, or the likable characters. What remains are the rebel (Roxy), the stuck-up friend (Jane), and the authority figure with a creepy obsession (Lomax, whose obsession with Roxy lends some unpleasant undertones to the story).

The film's goals are too simplistic, coming off as an excuse for Ashley and Mary-Kate to pull off their small-screen schtick on the big screen without really improving anything I know it's not in the nature of films like “New York Minute” to be complex or challenging, but what could have been a breezy, early-summer treat panders to the Olsens' fans and excludes everyone else. I can't believe there are that many 11-year-old girls to fill up the multiplexes, let alone for a movie with a turn of events that even a toddler would be able to predict.

I guess there IS one big difference between “New York Minute” and the Olsen Twins' straight-to-video projects: they've surrounded themselves with better quality cast members to take down with them in this sinking ship. Despite setting up radically different characters for each to play, you never really tell the difference between Ashley and Mary-Kate (or, for that matter, care who's who), so eventually it's up to the other actors to provide interesting distractions. Levy scores some laughs as the determined Lomax, and “Saturday Night Live” performer Darrell Hammond has a few good moments as a harried businessman who runs into Roxy and Jane time after time. But most of the other actors look bored, with talented people like Andy Richter and Andrea Martin stuck in flat roles, and Jared Padalecki and Riley Smith giving absolutely bland turns as the twins' love interests.

There's no suspense in “New York Minute.” There's not a thing that you won't see coming, that hasn't already been laid out by filmmakers who seem to think their target audience isn't receptive enough to handle something new. If you happen to be one of the poor souls who gets stuck watching “New York Minute,” you'll probably wish it would be over in a New York minute.

Adam Hakari

This is the most important day of Jane’s (Ashley Olsen) life as she prepares to give a speech that could gain her a scholarship to Oxford University in England. It is also an important day for her twin sister Roxy (Mary-Kate Olsen) as she has an access-all-areas pass for the video shoot of her favourite punk rock band Simple Plan. This is her opportunity to get her band noticed by giving their demo to Simple Plan’s management team. All the pair has to do is negotiate New York City to get what they want but they’ll have to do something they haven’t done in a very long time, work together.

US teen sensations Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen make the jump from the small screen to the big screen but is that leap just a little to long? In this case yes.

There is no denying that the Olsen twins are a culture phenomenon as they have built an empire of clothes lines, make up, lunch boxes, DVDs, TV shows etc, etc, but New York Minute is just one step too far for the famous siblings. These are talented actresses with a certain amount of screen presence and charm but they really do need to find a much better vehicle than this to push them into movie stardom.

The problem is that the script is appalling. The twins go from one hapless situation to another, each more outrageous and far-fetched than the last. They find themselves on the run from the law, the state truant officer, the Chinese mob and a US senator after inadvertently getting their hands on a computer chip full of copied music, stealing a dog and skipping school. This is all played out with an element of farce that sees Mary-Kate and Ashley running around the more scenic parts of New York. Of course you can guess the ending as soon as the situation is spelled out for you and you just spend the rest of the time waiting for it to happen.

The cast do their best with script however. Mary-Kate and Ashley have been acting most of their lives and you can tell as they really do bounce off each other extremely well. It is almost effortless how the two girls interact and push the story along and it would be interesting to see if they could actually act if they ever got roles in separate movies. Eugene Levy is as good as ever as obsessed truant officer Max Lomax. Levy excels in these types of roles but you can’t help but ask yourself why he choose to be in a movie like this. Riley Smith and Jared Padalecki are fine as Mary-Kate and Ashley’s love interests but both of them look far too old for the twins (even though they are 18 now). The biggest shock is the appearance of Jack Osbourne in the movie. This will do nothing for his reputation in the slightest.

New York Minute is aimed squarely at 10-15 year-old girls but even they will find this movie hard going. With a lacklustre, unimaginative script and far too many cheesy messages riddled throughout it, there just isn’t enough to like here, even for the most hardened Mary-Kate and Ashley fans.

Star Rating = * *

Jamie Kelwick

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