The Pacifier Movie Review:


“The Pacifier” frequently references “The Sound of Music,” and perhaps that analogy is fitting, for both movies are essentially about an outsider walking into a single-parent, large brood family and changing it for the better. A more appropriate comparison, though, would've been to its mid-'60s contemporary, Disney's own “Mary Poppins,” because while Maria von Trapp spends time loosening a disciplinary environment, Mary Poppins straightens things up -- and Vin Diesel's character follows suit. However, those Disney folks probably knew better than to reference their own classic in what's clearly a throwaway movie, and there may be more sly wisdom in associating “The Pacifier” with a musical other than one of their own.

I can't help wondering why Diesel felt the need to make this movie. Did he see it as a chance to avoid being pigeonholed as an action star? If so, wouldn't one have to be a well established action star first? Stuff like The Chronicles of Riddick” and “XXX” are not particularly memorable -- they weren't seminal the way, say, “The Terminator” and Rambo were. I like Diesel, and although I don't think he's found his “Terminator” yet, I believe it could be up and coming. It's simply too early for him to star in his own version of “Kindergarten Cop.”

Worse yet, “The Pacifier” wishes it could live up to even that cutesy Schwarzenegger movie. But this comedy is recycled material through and through, and what it offers in the affability of its star is countered with a mean streak of humiliation passed off as humor. Poor Carol Kane -- I didn't want to laugh at what she was reduced to early on in the movie. Meanwhile, even the star himself is not safe -- at one point, for a cheap and thoroughly disgusting laugh, Diesel is literally covered in crap. It gives a whole new meaning to his "I live for this ....!" line from “XXX.”

Nevertheless, Diesel does his best to be a good sport. I wouldn't exactly call this a winning quality of the movie, but it's the only thing giving the film any personality. Unfortunately, it also alludes to its forgettability. Diesel's filling a job with a smile here, but that's all he's doing. Without enough notoriety for Diesel to make his against-type turn actually memorable, and without a script that dares to move away from a safe template, “The Pacifier” ends up being simply a line in Diesel's resume -- padding to show his "range." Like Diesel's character, “The Pacifier” (looking more and more like a fitting name) is a babysitter, keeping the kids quiet for part of the afternoon and the star's filmography occupied before he heads on to the next project.

I want to comment on one last thing, which will be a bit tough without introducing spoilers, but I won't give anything away directly. America has long had a tradition of using international villains as easy fallback bad guys -- we had Russians in the '80s, Middle Easterners in the '90s, and for this decade there's a new corny demographic in town. That it's happening again isn't so deplorable; frankly, it's almost expected. Rather, it's lamentable because this is a kid's movie. I'm a firm believer that youngsters know better than we give them credit for, but at the same time we needn't point fingers for them, giving them ideas about which people to feel different from. The use of this kind of element has no place here, and “The Pacifier” could've been passable without it.



Jeffrey Chen

Vin Diesel goes for the family audience here, and he's not bad. At least it shows that after all those self-important movies he can make fun of himself. And for what it is--lazily written fluff--the film's extremely entertaining.

Shane Wolfe (Diesel) is a top Navy SEAL assigned to protect the family of a top secret scientist (Donovan). While Mom (Ford) is away helping with the case, Shane has to watch their five kids--rebellious 16-year-old Zoe (Snow), sulky teen Seth (Thieriot), precocious 8-year-old Lulu (York), a couple of rugrats, a duck and a Romanian nanny (Kane). Soon Shane's over his head in chaos, with frequent visits to the school principals (Graham and Garrett).

After opening with a big action sequence, we pretty much know that there'll be at least two more: one in the middle to remind us of the threat and one at the end to tie up loose ends. And there's not a single thread left untied. Including the duck. This is such a heavily structured script that there's no doubt at all about what will happen, so we're left to enjoy the details. And at least there's a lot of goofy fun to be had along the way. It's not particularly clever or original, but it's lively and energetic and sometimes just a little inspired.

The three older kids turn out to be superb actors--all have strong scenes that show surprising depth for this kind of movie. And they prove to be adept on-screen foils for Diesel's muscle-man act. Diesel wisely avoids hamming it up, allowing the filmmakers to poke gentle fun at his beefy physicality (on the other hand, the gratuitous scene in which he walks around the house in nothing but a towel would, in real life, spark a lawsuit of Jacko proportions). There's not nearly enough of Kane; and the extremely game Garrett is only on screen to be humiliated time and time again, including one scene that's surprisingly mean-spirited. This is by no means a classic action comedy, but if your gold standard is Kindergarten Cop, you'll love this.

Rich Cline

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